Reagan. I always tell you that you’re my baby. Lately, you’ve started yelling back at me, “I NOT a baby! I a BIG GIRL!” And you’re right, you are a big girl! But I’ll always see you as the black-haired, black-eyed, beautiful baby girl that I first saw. Honestly, I’ve never seen a more beautiful baby. People went out of their way to tell me how beautiful you were, and still are. Strangers, even other mothers with children of their own, told me that you were the most beautiful baby they’d ever seen. And I couldn’t agree more! I mean honestly, have you ever seen a sweeter face?
When you were a newborn, I held you ALL the time. Honestly, almost every second of every day. I didn’t like for other people to hold you, because I felt like I was missing out on a special moment with you. Whenever anyone would say that I should put you down for a little while, my response was always: “I will never look and wish I had held her more. I physically could not hold her more.” I remember one time, I was trying to eat lunch and hold you at the same time. I looked down mid-meal, and you had crumbs all over your tiny head. Haha! I still laugh about that one!
Of course, I didn’t love you because you were beautiful. I loved you because you were mine. My very own tiny slice of heaven! I would love you if you had six heads, or no head at all! But I’m so glad you do have a head, so I can kiss your beautiful, full, puffy lips. And see your perfect, gap-toothed smile. And hear your sweet little voice. Oh, I could go on and on about all the things I love about you! There are just so many!
Every night since the day you were born, I have prayed the same thing. I pray: “God, please let her have a long, healthy, happy, safe life.” And then I’ll go on to add all the other things I want for you. But I always start out with a long, healthy, happy, safe life. I think as long as you have those things, everything else will fall into place. I want you to be kind, but surely if you’re healthy and happy, you’ll be kind. I want all sorts of things for you, and I hope you get only the best that life has to give.
I’ve been reading some new blogs lately, Rockstar Ronan, and Super Ty. Rockstar Ronan is written by a mom whose little boy died from cancer. And Super Ty is written by a mom whose little boy is dying from cancer. Ty is still alive, but just barely hanging on. So, praying for your health has been top on my list lately. Please God, don’t harm my baby. Take me instead. Take my arms, take my legs, take my health, take my home, take my everything. Just please don’t take my baby. I could live without everything; everything but you. You are my little Ray of sunshine in this world. And so, I’m striving to be thankful, always. Even when you just peed in the chair, just to make me mad. I’m thankful that I have you here with me to pee in a chair. Even when you’re screaming that you don’t want to eat broccoli and cheese, and I know you love broccoli and cheese. And especially, when you’re asking me to hold you, in your sweetest little voice. Even though I’ve been holding you for the past two and a half years. I’ll always hold you, for as long as you’ll let me. Because I know one day, you won’t want me to hold you anymore. So today, I’ll hold you. And I’ll breathe in your wonderful smell, and I’ll kiss your teeny tiny neck, and I’ll thank God for you, one more time, and smile.